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Memories seem to make or break people. They seem to bring out the most vivid emotions in people and can bring out the best and worst. Memories can make us happy or sad people, some leave us with our battle scars and make us sometimes even want to forget about the entire situation. But some bring memories we hold for life close to our hearts so we can hope to bring others memories similar.
I have a memory of meeting my grandmother from my fathers side for the first time.
I was young probably 3 and I had never met my grandmother before (except for when I was born but I dont remember that of course). I was 3 and she wanted me and my brother to stay the night at her house but I didnt know who she was. I was crying and screaming because of the fact I had no idea who she was. My mother had to introduce us because I couldnt remember who she was and I didnt even know I didnt have a grandmother on my fathers side of the family.
The next memory I had of my grandmother was 5 years old and it was a pleasant one. I remember she had taken me and my brother to get ice cream and it had a very weird flavor called Superman which pretty much was the birthday cake flavor. I had just started school and she asked plenty of questions about how my school and teachers were. It was one of my more pleasant memories because I felt genuine happiness to see her again and I thought I could reconnect with her.
The last time I ever visited my grandmother I was 7 and having a hard time. I was having issues with bullying and it was very easy to get upset due to it. My brother would make fun of me in the big brother way but instead of laughing or just ignoring him, I argued with him. We were walking with my grandmother and the air felt cold, my eyes and cheeks were hot from arguing and being upset for so long and my eyes began to tear up. My grandmother yelled for us both to stop, It fell silent and I felt guilty, all she wanted was to spend time with her grandsons.
I never saw my grandmother again. She would send birthday cards and I collected them just to make due. The memories of my grandmother were not negative, She was a part of my childhood and my youth. I faintly remember these but the ones I do remember I hold to fondly the memories I was able to share with her. For years I thought she didnt love me anymore because of that argument that she hated me and never wanted to see me again. She died when I was 9 and at the time I could not properly mourn her passing. I cringed at the idea she hated me with all of her heart. Years later I was talking to my aunt on my father’s side and she told me about how my grandmother would positively talk about me and how she loved me she could just never make time for me. I didnt look back on those memories with my grandmother until recently and I feel terrible for looking at my grandmother as someone who just didnt care when she influenced me in my days of youth. Growing up I was very angry at the world and upset because it seemed I was at the end of every joke, Lost everyone and felt unwanted and it shaped who I am because I now try to treat people with kindness and help where I can as well as try to befriend lonely people. My memories have made me the person I am, whether good or bad doesnt matter they have shaped the person I have grown up to become.
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